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Juche Idea!

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[14 Apr 2006|01:58am]
[ mood | guilty ]

it's that weird part of spring when you're walking home by yourself and you can actually hear the grass growing. i have my father's house for the weekend; i'm not sure what i'll do. probably research and write the paper i have to research and write. classes are over but school is, like, forever.

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[06 Mar 2006|01:42am]
[ mood | excited ]

i love african housesCollapse )

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[28 Feb 2006|03:59pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

i am not very good at talking about things that i love, coherently and without irony. the other day my mother told me that i complain too much; why wouldn't i talk about something that was GOOD for a change? um? frankly i expected a little more sensitivity to the slavic condition. we are miserable people. to love is to complain, okay? to complain is to love. she wasn't entirely convinced, but it felt good to fall back on ethnic determinism like that. not just a white girl anymore.

but anyway, without irony: i love the ccbr. it's not even that's it's good; it's just not awful, and i feel like someone should hand these guys the fucking pritzker prize right now. after six months up to my teeth in bullshit theoretical projects, ugly-ass grad-student CAD renderings (i checked: you can't live in CAD) and the utterly inane and incoherent (and, when i'm lucky, completely illegible) meanderings of the (thankfully) inimitable rem koolhaas, it's good to find someplace that is intellectually accessible without being fucking stupid. eat it, daniel libeskind.

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[26 Feb 2006|04:47am]
[ mood | sore ]

tonight while i was rifling through alejandro's unwieldy but generally respectable record collection, i found a secret cache of surprising crap: the entire steely dan discography, in plastic sleeves and everything. i just quietly turned them around so the spines weren't showing and moved on; i know the dribbling virgin/fanboy ardour those things inspire in like basically every virgin/man on earth so i decided not to make an issue of what is probably just an ultimately minor lapse in good taste and not indicative of a larger (virgin) problem, although he also had a jawbreaker album and a bunch of spanish records i couldn't understand but that looked pretty wussy. i was too stoned at the time to think much of it, but jawbreaker? come on. anyway, some records i love that nobody expects me to even own:

it's true that now i have an impeccable record collection. this was emphatically not-always-the-case. once this was my pride and joy; this and a cassette copy of skinny puppy's vivisect vi. i was pushing twelve and, oh, life was full of promise. i have no real precedent against which to measure the relative success of the last decade and in any case at least six of those ten years are forever lost to the ether, but i still love every wanktacular second of this stupid record. BOTH discs. so, sorry if you didn't know what to do with the mix cd i made you with 1979 at the beginning AND the end; it was probably the only song i put on that wasn't meant to be a joke.

you have no idea: i love dixieland jazz. i don't have any special preference for al hirt, but his records are cheap and abundant, and i own about eighty of them, of which i listen to exactly ONE. THIS ONE. it is a testament to the innate superiority of black culture, especially when co-opted and marketed by a gigantic white dude. my favourite record of all time.

back when i bought this, people would have been surprised that i went in for "dance-punk" or whatever, but by now that ship is long sailed so who cares. the s/t was a turd and also take ecstasy with me sounded like an erasure record when i briefly listened to it. this thing was just lucky. but how. one of my favourite records ever. BOTH LPs. so, sorry if you were mad that i tried to toss your out hud cd out the bus window (EVAN)-- i still think that stuff is crap.

i always think this is a no brainer. everyone loves prince. the only way i still know how to bond with someone i have just met is to drive all the way to the kawarthas singing "i wanna be your lover" to one another in that shrieky falsetto because EVERYBODY DOES IT. and yet still people are like "i thought you HATED prince." based on what? it's scientifically not possible.

i tried to stick to records i love all the way through but i love half of this record intensely, and i have never listened to the other side. i mean, it's there, but why ruin a good thing.

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ENEMIES LIST I [20 Feb 2006|10:11pm]
[ mood | enraged ]

i cannot believe i have never done this before. you know, parcelled and enumerated all my many hates. briefly:

1. i took the 58 malton bus to the airport. and hey, the trip was really nice. the west end has grown into its discount modernism pretty well. i was even kind of agog at the regal constellation: they build a wicked 1960s sun-belt hotel and landscape it with pine trees? amazing. i was so enraptured, apparently, that i failed to notice as the bus whizzed clean past the airport, past the garages and fully out of sight of the terminal towers. usually in such a situation i just relax and wait for the bus to loop back, but the number of beturbaned passengers still aboard told me this particular bus still had a long way to go, possibly all the way to amritsar. i ran to the back doors and they didn't open. i rang the bell and they didn't open. "you gotta come pay at the front" the bus driver told me. i was like, dude, i paid back in scarborough. i have a metropass. "no, extra fare in mississauga. you gotta pay to leave." FUCKING MISSISSAUGA. the crushing ugliness/shittiness of my surroundings should have been my first hint, the chimneys belching steam, the rubble concrete, the little bald guy scuttling along the shoulder with a battered doctor's bag full of crumpled papers. but to be fair, that started about a mile back, around about boston pizza. "dude, shouldn't you announce this earlier?" i asked, rifling around in my bag for my wallet. "no," my man snorted, "IT'S POSTED." i still don't know what he meant. back at the subway station? i jammed an expired ticket in the fare-box and he let me go. but i noted, as i trudged back to toronto, scowling at every crappy, mud-caked fake-boulder-and-white-pine office-park tableau, as the sidewalk suddenly collided with a higway on-ramp and lost, that nowhere is there a sign warning you that you are now leaving toronto, "ontario's capital" and welcome to crap. so fuck the ttc.

2. and hey, not to belabor the point, but mississauga. it sucks.

3. my brother is currently proudly displaying the gift his mutant grandmother brought back from israel: a bullet wrapped in the magen david, hanging on a chain. i have a lot to say about like, arab baby carcasses, affluent jewish guilt, israel-centric cultural judaism is a sucking abyss of jewish anti-culture etc but man, suffice it to say that my mother is a conservative convert and he is thus ineligible for citizenship in the allegedly secular state of israel. the only comfort i can take from this is that the closest he will ever come to a dead palestinian is wearing the bullet that killed one. i hope someone wraps him in his own intestines. what a fucking idiot. so fuck zionists.

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scarborough: STILL DANGEROUS [05 Feb 2006|10:23pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

also today this colossal tree spontaneously uprooted and fell on its side in our parking lot.

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THAT's democracy [05 Feb 2006|09:39pm]
[ mood | twitchy ]

oh man. the best thing ever is flashing on my computer screen this very second:

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[16 Dec 2005|02:25am]
[ mood | awake ]


tonight i lost one-half of my most treasured pair of gigantic rhinoceros earrings.

i don't get sentimental about these things. it may be all alone buried in the slush somewhere on st george street, but it feels no pain. i, on the other hand, have to take 60 cents down to the bead store tomorrow and buy a new rhinoceros. also i found a $2 sheet of wool herringbone tweed and made a drab yet functional winter jacket. so jazzed. i haven't had an actual winter jacket since 1996. usually i just cobble something together from layers of summer clothes, crushing at my lymph nodes until i just know i am probably rotting full of tumours. winter used to be a busy season for dr. i-don't-know-what-that-is and the serbian sonogram tech. this year they'll just have to cut back.

^when i had two earrings.

this vapid crafty-girl post was brought to you by toyo ito, and the last two paragraphs of my essay about him that i am unable to finish. and my very poor grammar.

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INVENTORY: [09 Nov 2005|12:37am]
[ mood | artistic ]

+ after colonizing the gas station, the 95 bus and the parking lot at parkwoods plaza, free wireless internet has finally breached the final frontier and arrived in my living room. dining room. kitchen, etc. it’s been a long time coming. my computer fell off the table today, too.
- pacific mall: is basically obsolete now that the bootleggers have moved right out onto the sidewalk in chinatown. we'll see how i feel about that in january. still gets points for the selection of imported japanese running shoes i covet but could never afford and the terra cotta warriors guarding the ladies’ washroom.
+ the chinese mall DIRECTLY ADJACENT to pacific mall, which is somehow overlooked in tourist brochures despite being the mainland china to pacific mall’s hong kong. i base this analogy entirely on my own stereotypes about “authentic” china and not on actual fact. definitely messier, cheaper and 100% more despotic.
+ videos from the public library: hello, endless hours of FREE shark attacks, hard-hitting monster journalism (POLTERGEIST!, the beast of loch ness, vampires: fact or fury?) and six feet under. i don’t even miss cable.
+ tangerine: is probably the first and last wanky zeppelin jam i will ever really truly love. it actually is so laid-back, driving-off-forever, kind-of-bittersweet-but-really-everything-works-out -for-the-best, end-of-the-movie, roll-the-credits perfect it is the end of every summer all over again. someone dump me, quick.
-could we please get architecture students into an art class before we unleash them on the world? just because you made it on your computer doesn’t mean the design process is over.
+ vanity fair. walking around with a magazine in my bag just feels so grown-up. sometimes i read it too.
-downtown: period. the death and life of great american cities is 45 years old, stop being so pleased with your fucking selves.
-scarborough: no faux-dives, no monthly dance parties, no meticulously organized city-positive "fun," no english. just mile upon derelict mile of tract housing and slab aparments, domino parties, summer gunplay, biryani shacks and guys selling tamil tigers flags from the back of a van in a strip-mall parking lot. there is also a public school named after the bassist from the housemartins on danforth road. i probably like etobicoke better, but now it's so far away i can't be bothered.

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[02 Aug 2005|12:12pm]
[ mood | cold ]

i don't know why i parked my bike at degrassi and queen, half a mile from the two biggest open-air bike markets in the city, half a block from where my father's had the same bike stolen no fewer than three times from his locked backyard. i was kind of drunk. now i am kind of stuck in parkwoods for the rest of the month. come visit!

uh, and i went to caribana on saturday with evan and his girlfriend and some of their friends from new york/somewhere. and uh, caribana kind of sucks, guys. like, i've seen your spinning diamonelle-encrusted jamaican-flag fronts and your 110% guyanese airbrushed '93 honda civic, i live in scarborough. i mean, maybe they should just scrap the parade altogether so it doesn't get in the way of all the important phone conversations that are going on. next year: trinidad.

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[28 Jul 2005|10:49am]
[ mood | aggravated ]

today i had my first, and probably last, job interview of the summer season. not to say it went well but just that there's nothing else on the horizon right now? they had a little test you had to fill out first with some math questions and a little maze "to test your dexterity. we figure, if you can use a pen, you can probably use a knife and you won't cut your fingers off." i guess they were joking, but i blurted out "oh, i cut off the end of my finger last fall! but i handled it really well."

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[20 Jul 2005|04:30am]
[ mood | bored ]

summer is being very good to me. things that are making summer '05 better than any summer since 2001 are included in this eerily prophetic list evan and i made circa march of this year. i would add tube tops and doubles, but this is still a lesson in the importance of planning ahead for a good time.

and jonah went to dubai, probably permanently. because "it's insane," which is logic i can't really argue with. i have mixed feelings about this. that is, if i had feelings, they would be mixed. apparently i am "the worst girlfriend ever, but a pretty good cook."

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[15 Jul 2005|02:32pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

robert moses is probably the ultimate evil dictator. robert caro is a dude that probably has four or five degrees but prounounces “floor” as “flaw” and vice-versa. this book is probably pretty fucking incredible but i wouldn’t know because it’s so tremendously huge that i cannot get it through the door. it’s already cost me $3 in overdue fines and i am probably 150 pages in. for a little context, there are 200 pages of notes and bibliography at the back. people are sometimes pretty surprised that i don’t read books. but are they really that surprised? books are FUCKING ANNOYING.

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[02 Jul 2005|03:34pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

devin and i rode our bikes down to the west end to check out so-called liberty village and collided with that glory of summer glories, the punjabiest place on earth, the chin picnic. yes, once again toronto’s vibrant civic culture verily explodes in a fireworks display of barbecued yams, standing around getting a sunburn on one side of your face, and perplexed chinese families wandering the exhibition grounds going “i thought this was the CHIN picnic?” about half the crowd happened to be relatives of devin’s, so he jabbered with them about his kid and i wandered off to watch a woman show her daughters how to strip mulberries off the nearby trees without getting their chadors all splotchy. it was fucking HORRIBLE, but in that very special toronto way. this was going to be a long-winded yet educational and thought-provoking treatise on the embarrassing spectacle of organized cultural events in toronto, but eye magazine has a pretty good editorial on the topic, so whatever. other stuff:

1) i was talking with some kids at work about a road trip to wasaga. they were totally game, but it probably won’t happen. they are some of my favourite people on planet earth, but really, we're just friends at work and that’s the way it should be. that said, i still want to go to wasaga and who do i know who can drive? every time i have a really boss plan like this, i’m like “oh, evan knows how to drive, i’ll ask him” and he’s like “i don’t, but rian does, we can ask him” and rian doesn’t but decides we should ask vanessa, and soon there are twenty of us with our nuts out and no fucking car. CITY KIDS NEED TO GET IT TOGETHER OKAY? let's go to the goddamn beach.

2) i am gonna start doing drag shows. people seem to universally find this really weird. like, am i gay? am i getting a dick? shit, i just want to put on a totally slick-ass suit and a pompadour wig and ape bobby darin in front of a club full of strangers. i'm not gonna make you touch my peen.

3) i got into architecture school. it's about fucking time. now i can start hatching a plan to weasel OUT of architecture school.

4) did i mention i took down a fence a few weeks ago? publicspace.ca has pictures of all the action under "downtown de-fence." i only mention this because i don't think there have ever been photos of me on the internet before? hot shit.

5) my birthday is like....any day now. i want this, this, this, and one of those little gas-powered model planes you fly around on a string. not much time left!

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[ mood | thirsty ]


my clothes are always dirty, i only own one pair of jeans, i eat with my hands, i collect and hoard newspapers, i fall down stairs, i chew the skin on my hands, i slouch, i always put my feet on the table, and by the end of the day i usually am carrying something weird around in a plastic bag. i bruise and bleed at the slightest provocation but i do not feel pain so i am usually bruised and/or bloody without knowing it. yesterday i had my hair pulled by a pair of bitchy terns in tommy thompson park. true story. i don't know how real girls hold it together.

in other news, i am house-sitting and my father's neighbours are currently pretty gamely enduring hour six of bakardi slang. or they're dead. i don't know how i lived without this song for six months? Half the time we talking about more times we don't even know what more times means. fuh-resh.

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[29 May 2005|05:38pm]
[ mood | listless ]

there are definitely times when i am positive chinatown was invented just to totally make my day.

but then i will go to unlock my bike and find someone has left the remains of their still-breathing lunch in the basket. it never fails.

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oh BUMMER. [20 May 2005|04:10pm]
[ mood | bored ]

my brother is hilarious. also, yesterday afternoon we got a video on how to develop your psychic powers and spent the next hour sending each other secret voodoo psychic death threats. then i went to work. i'm glad he's getting old enough to hang out with. he's more annoying than any of my friends, but he lives closer by and has way better drugs.

i am having a hard time mustering up any enthusiasm over the 2-4 weekend? my whole life is one extended long weekend. but i guess we'll be getting drunk and someone's car will probably get ruined.

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[14 May 2005|06:17pm]
[ mood | quixotic ]

last week was nonstop suck. i take every third or fourth day off of biking into the city so that my muscles don’t snap free of my skeleton and curl up inside my shoulders and knees where i can’t use them. it basically stretched into a six-day scarborough/percodan vacation courtesy a weather report that promised a rainstorm which, predictably, did not materialize until the second i finally gave up and went out because my life is a TERRIBLE VAUDEVILLE SKIT. so step inside my crappy week. i have nothing better to do until it stops raining and i can go to the movies. in rough chronological order,except the parts where i just like sat around for three or four hours at a stretch trying to decide if it was worth the effort to move eight feet to turn off the dvd player, i :

- applied for a copy clerk job at parkwoods/maryvale’s very own brand new business depot. i spent an hour and a half in line and then they were like “we’ll call you.” but i don’t think they’ll actually be calling me.
- combed through my browser cache to see if there was any discernable logic to the way it titles files (there isn’t)
- sorted 2000 glass beads by colour
- ate 2 pounds of carrot sticks. basically in one sitting.
- watched a DVD about chuck D cutting a blues album with the son of the guy who founded chess records? and one about “the blossoming art of ikebana.” my ass. it probably would have ruled if i had flowers though.
- went to the library no fewer than 7 times. turns out i owe them over $120.
- played 6 straight hours of super mario bros. 3
- dan weirdly came over and we built some little elastic-driven balsa wood paddleboats and raced them in the creek. i know the going back to kindergarten-style “play” thing is getting pretty old, but i am still kind of excited about maybe some boatlympics in nathan phillips square or high park or something. or a box-car derby? just a mini one?
- we tried to break onto the roof of the building, to no avail; drank black ice on the balcony instead.
- tried to figure out what personal computers are good for, besides school-work and the internet. basically nothing.
- eventually i did actually write an article for work on why television violence really DOES have repercussions in the real world. realistically, in five days i could have written twenty or thirty of these, but not until they start paying me. this education ain’t free.
-probably gained a pound or two. progress is plodding, but you can’t see my ribs through my back anymore, which is encouraging.

i also went to value village and bought an unremarkable but cheap russian coat. decipher the label? according to rian it says “golden bird,” but i think he just guessed that based on the scribbly image on the tag.

anyway, i got it home, only to find that the entire thing was lined with actual disgusting (hare) fur and shedding ALL OVER THE GODDAMN PLACE.

so i took it back.

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SUCKS. [13 May 2005|04:56pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

isn't this always the way. normally i pay attention when some yahoo shoots up the place. FOR THIS PRECISE REASON. not this time, though. i guess i will have to find some other way of cashing in on the anarchic crime spree that is parkwoods village.

i also finally got my stupid grades; now they are just SITTING THERE.

2004 Fall - 1st Year Studies Hum & Soc Sci - Woodsworth College

Crs Code Title Wgt Mrk Grd
ARC131H1 Intr to Architecture 0.50 85 A
VIS120H1 Visual Concepts 0.50 74 B
Credits Earned: 1.00

2005 Winter - 1st Year Studies Hum & Soc Sci - Woodsworth College

Crs Code Title Wgt Mrk Grd
ARC132H1 Contemp Architecture 0.50 83 A-
HUM199Y1 1st Yr Sem: Humanities Art and Power 1.00 89 A
VIS130H1 Visual Strategies 0.50 72 B-
Credits Earned: 2.00

i am almost twenty-two years old, and still i managed to practically fail ART.

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[06 May 2005|03:15pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

bike season is off to a typically bike-season start, ie pharmacy crawling with buses, lights knocked out all along o'connor, bloor down to one lane, doored on st george, hit someone in the side mirror on bloor (it broke; he deserved it), took the bike on the bus then couldn't get it off, sideswiped by a corvette, six delivery vans parked in a one-mile stretch of the davenport bike lane, etc also i am really out of fucking shape.
also, MY BIKE FUCKING SUCKS. it has a working set of brakes, though, which is a pretty serious improvement over the last one. it also makes tons of noise, especially around yonge and bloor where over the din of screaming cabbies, that crazy guy with the rolling stones ghetto-blaster/dance thing, rowdy teenagers, perverts, six gajillion cars, delivery vans, ben kerr, shoppers, office workers, and leathery old jewish ladies you can hear rattle of my lone shitty bike echoing off the buildings. kind of awesome, actually. also, fuck bike season.

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